Andrew Thorn - The Authentic Me

What Do You Need To Stop Doing Now?

You know what? It takes a lot of work to be outstanding. You gotta really want it, or you ain't gonna get it.

Sometimes it so much easier just to be good or great. Hardly any one notices any way. But when I do something outstanding I notice and that is all that really matters.

One of the greatest leadership lessons I have learned is to quit waiting for people to notice. They may never notice, but that doesn't diminish my outstanding behavior or my individual accomplishments.

We all have exerted ourselves in some direction or other in the hopes that somebody will notice and maybe even like us. Even when they do notice or do like us this type of exertion is difficult to sustain. We have to want to do it for ourselves and not for anybody else. If we do it for somebody else we will become tired and we will quit. The desire must come from within us and we must be willing to do whatever it takes to reach our goal.

Three Questions

When I wake up in the morning I ask myself three questions: Am I willing to do whatever it takes to reach my goals? What do I need to do today (now) in order to reach my goal? What do I need to stop doing today (now) in order to reach my goal? If I answer these questions truthfully then I have a great day. If I am not willing to do whatever it takes, but still go through the motions and say I am "trying" then the whole day stinks. I am not committed, so no matter what I do my efforts are half-hearted.

There are so many moments that we waste each day. That is why I ask myself the question, what do I need to stop doing?

There are so many ways to creatively avoid becoming my best. I have been lost in Lost. I have regularly visited General Hospital. I can tell you the names and batting averages of the Los Angeles Dodgers. While these activities are fun, they are time wasters. They gobble up huge amounts of energy and pay back very little on that investment. They are nothing more than creative avoidance. I am reclaiming these moments and finding myself more productive and energetic than I have been in a long time.

Wake Up!

Think about this for a moment - If you get up one hour earlier, you get 30 hours a month more of life. When you multiply that out over 12 months, you get 365 extra hours of time to do what you want to do. If you use this time wisely, you will grow in ways that you are unable to imagine. Your mind will open to ideas and opportunities that seem currently beyond your reach.

What do you need to stop doing? Are you willing to stop? What will you do with the time you will have when you stop doing what you need to stop doing?

I promise you it is worth finding out!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Being Here!

A couple of weeks ago, I was traveling to Sacramento California to work with a client. In order to get a good run in before I left, I had to get up at 4:00 AM.

Most of you are aware that I am preparing for an Ironman Triathlon. I intended to run my usual 15 miles and still be home in time to make the plane. The problem with this strategy was that by doing so, I would not be home when my children left for school and I would miss seeing them that morning.

As I went out the door at about 4:30, I started to think about how I was going to miss them. I thought, "Hey, I am working on a super goal and naturally there will have to be some sacrifices in order to accomplish this goal." I ran a little ways and continued to think about how important it is to my children that I am there when they leave in the morning. I thought to myself, "One of the reasons that I am running is so that I can be in good shape so that I can be around for my children and be active when they grow up. I am doing it for them, they will benefit from this too."

I Am Doing It For Them

I ran a little further and decided that the my Ironman training could wait. I turned at the very next corner and headed home. I only ran about three miles, but I made it home and was able to be there with my children as they prepared for their day. I was there for them and I knew I made the right choice.

They knew I had abandoned my run for them. Not because I made a big deal about it, but because I was here. On the run I was worried about a potential message that I might send to my children. The message is, "To run, is more important to me today than it is to be at home with you." I am thankful that I gave them the opposite message.

Our work lives are full of opportunities to make choices. Tomorrow morning I will be in Sacramento and I will not be able to be at home. Today I am here and I had the choice of being here for them. Too many times we make choices that take us away from our families. Sometimes we do it out of necessity, but other times we do it because we think we have to do it. We even use the same excuse that I tried to use today, "I am doing it for them."

Be There

Trust me, they will value you being there much more than the imperceptible value that they would receive by you working that extra hour or two.

My choice was made crystal clear this morning when I asked myself the following question. "What would you rather have done this morning if today was your last morning to be at home?" That question made the turn home very easy. We never know when it will be our last. Even without disaster, the last morning eventually comes because they grow up and leave.

I'm here. Are you there?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Laws of Success

There is a law irrevocably decreed, under which all success is predicated. I speak of course of the law of obedience. In order for a person to achieve success, he or she must be obedient to the principles associated with the success he or she is striving to accomplish.

There are no exceptions. If you want to be physically fit, you must obey the laws of fitness. If you want to succeed in business, you must obey the laws of business. If you want to have spiritual power, you must obey spiritual laws. If you want academic success, you must obey the laws of academia. It is the same for every other type of success.

There Are No Short Cuts

Some people think they can be disobedient to the laws and still be successful. There are even examples of people who have disobeyed the laws and become apparently successful. The interesting thing, is that as we watch these people we see that their success is temporary and fades away with time. They are unable to sustain what they have because they did not get it the right way.

Yet, obedience is an archaic word. We don't like to hear it. We would rather be free to do it our own way and to do whatever we want to do than to be subject to the principles of success. We want success, but for some reason, too many of us think that we can create success without being obedient to the laws of success. We want it now and we don't want to have to go through the hub bub. We just want success conferred upon us. 

The Laws of Success Must Be Obeyed

Many today are suffering because they do not get this concept. Newspapers and websites are full of examples that illustrate my point. You don't have to look very far and you will see what I am talking about. Manny Ramirez is a current example. Manny is an extremely talented baseball player who plays for my beloved Los Angeles Dodgers. During the offseason, he used illegal substances to bolster his training regiment. When the league discovered this, he first attempted to lie about it. but there was nothing he could to do to hide the test results. Consequently he was suspended for 50 games this year. 

Now he is back. He is refusing to address the fact that he disobeyed the rules. He apologized to the his fans, but he won't say why he is apologizing. He just wants to get back and play the sport that he loves. Of course we will welcome him back. Everybody makes mistakes and we believe in forgiveness, but his career will now always be marred by the fact that he cheated and disobeyed the rules. 

Do Your Best - Forget The Rest

When I am running, swimming and riding my bike, I contemplate how easy it would be to not be subject to the principles of physical success. It would be great to just go and do my Ironman and get it over with so I can sleep in again. Alas, if I want to achieve the success of swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112 miles and running 26.2 miles I must be willing to obey the rules of training. If I  cheat, I am only cheating myself. It has always been so, and it will always be so.

Examine what you want to achieve and ask yourself, "Am I willing to obey the laws required to achieve this success?" Don't expect success if you are not willing to obey the laws. I just ain't possible.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Thinking, Feeling, Being - Becoming Spiritually Intelligent

Charles P. Steinmetz, (1865 - 1923) was German-American mathematician and electrical engineer. He fostered the development of alternating current. His work as a scientist, significantly influenced the expansion of the electrical power industry possible in the United States. He formulated many important electrical engineering theories that enabled the design of electric motors. 

He was once asked, by Roger Babson, (1875 - 1967) the founder of Babson College in Massachusetts and the author of more than 40 books on economic and social problems, what line of research he thought would see the greatest development during the course of the next 100 years. He said:

"I think the greatest discovery will be made along spiritual lines. Here is a force which history clearly teaches has been the greatest power in the development of men. Yet we have merely been playing with it and have never seriously studied it as we have the physical forces. Someday, people will learn that material things do not bring happiness and are of little use in the making men and women creative and powerful. Then the scientists of the world will turn their laboratories over to the study of God and prayer and the spiritual forces, which as of yet have hardly been scratched. When this day comes, the world will see more advancement in one generation that it has seen in the past four."

Unfortunately, as a society, instead of moving toward spiritual topics, we have moved away from them. It is clear, that the pursuits of the last 30 years have been largely focused on the acquisition of material wealth. We are now feeling the pain of those pursuits. As predicted we are discovering that the material conquests of life do not bring us happiness. 

But for some reason, we have not learned how to fully bring God into our lives. In fact, we seem to be pushing Him farther out of our minds. The topic of spirituality is often considered taboo in our society. Much care is taken to avoid the topic, and when it is raised now, it is almost always from the point of view that we do not need God anymore and that God is a myth or a fairly tale.

Spiritual Intelligence

I want to once again break the taboo and speak openly about spirituality. It continues to be a guiding force in my life. Because it can be a very intangible topic, it is difficult to define what it really is. That is why we need to study it more. Spirituality is an enlightened focus on who we really are. It helps us understand the purpose of our existence and to see things as they really are. In order for us to be truly happy, we must discover who we are. The process of discovering who we are is enhanced by the development of Spiritual Intelligence. 

One of the pioneers of spiritual intelligence is David King, defines it in the following way:

"spiritual intelligence is a set of adaptive mental capacities specifically related to the nature of one’s existence, personal meaning, transcendence, and heightened states of consciousness. When applied, these processes are adaptive in their ability to facilitate unique means of problem-solving, abstract-reasoning, and coping."

There Is Something More Than Achievement

The shiny prizes of the world including its pleasures, power, praise, money, and fame—have always been and always will be attractive, but they are not enough. Those that reach the top of their goals, often find a dull world devoid of meaning. The sacrifice to gain what the world has to offer proves time and time again to be too steep a price to pay. Many of us are now discovering that the pursuit of doing at the expense of being does not deliver happiness.

The question of what is this human life experience really all about is answered by and through the development of spiritual intelligence. The pursuit of Spiritual Intelligence focuses us on personal meaning making experiences. It insures that individuals know what they want, and more importantly, that they know who they are. This enables the spiritually intelligent individual to clearly express what his or her impact will be in the world.

A person who possesses high levels of spiritual intelligence easily identifies with his or her Higher Self or Spirit rather than with the ego. They have less need to seek after their own interests. This fosters the capacity to serve and develop others. 

Nearly every organization I work with is concerned about developing higher levels of accountability. A spiritually intelligent person is empowered with a greater capacity for problem solving. It is natural for them to cope better with stressful situations because they know that what they are doing is only what they do and not who they are. As a result they are freer to act and to be, which results in greater productivity and engagement.

Thinking, Feeling, Being

Each of us is blessed with a mind, a body, and a spirit. All are interconnected and when they are developed together, a person makes greater strides toward becoming whole. As long as the development of spiritual intelligence is considered unimportant or old-fashioned, we will continue feel a lack. We can not solely rely on the development of cognitive and emotional intelligence to make us whole. By themselves, they are not enough. We can not be complete without developing greater levels of individual and collective spiritual intelligence. 

"Health," "wholeness," and "healing" all come from the same root. All of these come about because of who we are and not because of what we do. The French philosopher Teilhard de Chardin once said, “we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” This quote inspires me. It gives me great hope and purpose. It generates meaning in a world where meaning is sometimes difficult to make.

To be spiritually intelligent is to be fully engaged in becoming the best you – because it facilitates your ability to know exactly who the best you is. 

What does the idea of Spiritual Intelligence mean to you? What did your parents teach you about Spiritual Intelligence? Why do you think that we as a society are so afraid to discuss it? What do you think must happen before we can become comfortable with this topic? Are you willing to discover the real key to happiness? I hope you will spend some time pondering these questions. I look forward to your thoughts.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

The Freedom Only Self-Reliance Can Bring

Stacy and I went of a walk last night at about 8:30 PM. The sun was just beginning to set on a beautiful day and we wanted to enjoy the cool of the evening. We saw one of our neighbors out brushing his horses so we made our way to his fence to watch and chat for a while. About three hours later we began our walk home. 

It was not our intent to stay so long, but the company and the conversation were both excellent. It is hard to describe the freedom we feel here. The size of the community, the friendliness of the people, and the favorable climate, all make it very enjoyable for us. We asked our new friends what it is like to live in this community. It is a question we ask of nearly everyone we meet. Our quest, is to peel back the layers so that we can see deeper than what we see as temporary residents. We know that the newness we are experiencing will eventually wear off. At least that is what we think. We want to find out what the people really think. We are yet to hear somebody say that they don't like living here. It is obvious that there are problems here, just like anywhere else, but there is a sense of community here that faces the problems head on.

Self-Reliance

I believe one of the keys to this community is self-reliance. Nearly everybody here has a garden. Most have either horses, cows, chickens, or sheep. The people live in town and have their ranches and farms outside of town. We have enjoyed cherries, beans, eggs, swiss chard, tomatoes  and many other garden delights. Most usually grow more than they need and they share it openly with those in the community. 

The mountains form the boundaries of this community. Over the fourth of July weekend, many people left to spend time away by the local streams and parks. There are wonderful places to enjoy that are only four miles away, so it is easy to come and go as you like. The local spots feel like they belong to the people, and they take care of them like they are their own. They often form voluntary service patrols to clean the recreational sites.

Government Aid

There is a site not too far away that was created by many of the ancestors of the local people. It is a camping area called Dad and Sons. Stacy's maternal grandfather helped to build it. These men of the past used their own resources of both time and money to develop a wonderful area for people to come and enjoy. It is near a mountain spring and they built improved campsites and made the area very enjoyable for the people.

Then, along came the government. It decided to take over the campsite and began to regulate its use. For the first time, federal and state dollars were budgeted for its upkeep. The people who built this beautiful area were no longer able to use it freely. They were required to pay a fee to use a park that they built with their own hands. They were told that the fees would be used to maintain the park and keep it safe. The promises made by these bulging bureaucracies were never kept and this spot, that was once regularly maintained and revered by the local people is a decimated shadow of its beautiful past. No one goes to enjoy it anymore because it is in such bad shape, yet the organization, that took responsibility for its upkeep, continues to tax the people for its unkept promises.

So This Is Freedom

I continue thinking about my previous post, and wonder, why are we letting so many of our freedoms to be taken from us? If self-reliance is the key, then why are we, as a society, so willing to let a government that can not keep its promises, become our daily provider? Why can't we see that they are out of control? Even Colin Powell, who endorsed our President, is now becoming critical of what is going on. This is what he said in a recent interview with CNN:

"I never would have believed that we would have budgets that are running into the multi-trillions of dollars, and we are amassing a huge, huge national debt that, if we don't pay in our lifetime, our kids and grandkids and great grandchildren will have to pay for it."

I share his concern over this unprecedented expansion of the federal government. I hope you do too. A focus on entitlements is not the answer. It will only make us weak and take away our freedom. The federal or state governments can never do the job that they say they can do and we should never want them too. 

Think about this for a minute. How is that during a time when nearly every other organization is shrinking and looking for ways to save money, our governments are expanding and spending more than ever? This makes no sense to me. We can not let it happen. We must begin to think about ways to make our government smaller and not bigger or the same thing that happened to our ancestor's camp site will happen to this wonderful country. They can not keep their promises. We can not let it happen.  

What Can I Do?

I realize that it is not possible for each of us to live in a small town. As I share the experience of living in this small town with you, I am also inviting you to consider the thoughts that are constantly in my head. Very soon, it will be time for my family to return to home. We will be sad to leave, but we will be happy to be home. While I am here, I am doing my best to learn from this experience. I want to discover the very best of this community and take it home and implement into my own. The lessons of self-reliance are most important to me. I am learning that I can do many things for myself, things that I would normally allow someone else to do for me. I am also learning that I really do need a lot less than I have. Those are wonderful lessons to me and I will value them for the rest of my life.

What does self-reliance mean to you? Examine your life today. Are you waiting for the government, or the organization that you work for to do for you what you can do for yourself? Is there a project that you need done that scares you? Who do you know that can coach you through it? Don't be afraid of it - it is exciting to learn. Please remember that you are responsible for your future and for your own personal development. What skills and behaviors do you need to develop? 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Let Freedom Ring!

On our way to the market the other day, we came upon a sign that said "Road Work Ahead". I didn't think much about it at the time, but the message that sign communicates has been on my mind ever since. It is a warning sign. It is a sign that let's us know that there may be some rough spots ahead, but they will be repaired soon.

Nation Building

I am very thankful for my heritage. I am especially grateful to recognize my citizenship in the United States of America. Tomorrow we will celebrate our independence and the founding of our country. This wonderful event occurred 233 years ago. As a country, we have experienced great growth and great wealth. The freedoms we enjoy are amazing. I have rarely felt so free in other countries. It is so prominent here that I can feel it as soon as I come home from my travels. I love my country and my flag. I am proud to be an American.

As a country, we have always aspired to be the best. We have pursued after happiness. We have treasured our liberty. Generation after generation has reached to make America better than it was when they found it. Those that have come here from other countries have done their best to live the American Dream and to make America a better place. 

All of this reaching though now seems to be part of our past and not so much a part of our present. Over the course of the past thirty years or so, we have somehow become complacent. Whereas our nation was once known for its independent thinkers, too many of us now listen to sound bites of the news without ever thinking for ourselves. 

The signs are indicating that there is "Road Work Ahead". It is needed. We can't put it off any longer. In some instances it will be inconvenient and even painful for us to do this work, but it must be done. We have focused so many of our resources over the course of the past three decades building other nations. While that great work was needed and appreciated, we have paid a price and it is beginning to take its toll on us. It has distracted us from the work of building our own nation. We must now turn our focus inward. The inner vessel must be cleansed before it is too late. Too many of our freedoms are being taken away by a government that no longer represent the people it represents.

The System Works

This is not a criticism of the democratic or the republican party. This is a criticism of the leaders from both of those parties. Many of them seem to either be asleep at the wheel or they are intentionally moving agendas forward that the rest of us do not support. 

Change needs to happen, and some of the changes that need to happen will be painful. I am not afraid of the pain. Many of us are already feeling a lot of pain from the unwise decisions of the past. I accept the fact that pain will be a part of our collective experience for the next several years. The problem I see, is that change has become a buzzword. Many of our elected officials are doing things in the name of change that do not create change. Their schemes are stealing the hope of our future generations. They continue to invest our resources with no accountability. That needs to stop now.

We, those of us that live in the USA, need to return to our roots of independent thinking, so that we can understand what the heck is going on around here. Here is just one example: every President we have had since 1970 has promised that they are going to decrease our dependence on foreign oil, yet today we are more dependent on it than ever before. In order to make a change, there will be some pain. The new technology needed will cost money and we will need to pay for it. Many talking heads are saying that the current administration's plan will not work because it will be too painful for us to implement, but they are not telling us what it will actually accomplish. It is difficult to find out what they are talking about, but my sense is that the current plan is not the answer, but neither is "drill, baby drill". We must do something different than we have done if we expect to obtain a different result. 

We Are All In This Together

This is just one example of what is plaguing our country. Health care, banking, and taxation are other topics and there are many more. Our ancestors were up to the challenge of creating the way. They were involved in these types of discussions. They did not rely on the government to solve these types of problems for them. Private industry often led the way and they were the means by which many discoveries were made. They did not expect that somebody else would do it for them. They went to work and made our country great.

We need to remember that this is our country. We need to study out the issues at hand. We can no longer rely on CNN or Fox News to analyze the world for us. There are too many of us that are going through life in a stupor of thought, waiting for somebody to tell us that it will all be better soon. We are not sheep. We do not need Rush Limbaugh or Keith Olbermann to tell us what we need to do. We may need to listen to both of them to get the whole story, but then we must begin to think for ourselves. We must be independent thinkers. We live in an independent Union and we need to start acting like it again. 

It Will Not Be Easy - But It Will Be Worth It

I wish I could tell you how it will happen. I suppose, in a way I can. It will take the efforts of each and every one of us. We each need to discover how we can contribute and do our part to "form a more perfect union". To those that feel disenfranchised, I say get involved. 

One of our great talents, who recently passed away, sang about the way we can make the world a better place. I am willing to do what MJ suggested. "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better then take a look at yourself, and then make a change." I ask each of you to do the same. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself. What does patriotism mean to you? What can you do to become more informed about what is going on in our country? What role are you willing to play in your local community? What can you do to wake up your sense of ownership in this country? Are you willing to pay the price of citizenship?

Celebrate Our Freedom

Tomorrow many of us will either set off fireworks or watch a local firework show. I hope that you will remember that there is more to the 4th of July than having a family party. We are celebrating our freedom and our independence. Think about that tomorrow and then ask yourself; Is the freedom still ringing in our great country? I think it is, but I think its sound is beginning to fade. It is time for each of us to make it ring loudly again.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Be The Help That Others Need

The wind is blowing very hard today and that made for a very interesting bike ride. I felt like I could ride west forever, but as soon as I turned east the ride became very challenging. This made my brain a little fuzzy because when the ride west is uphill, and when I am riding east, it is usually downhill. To be able to ride so easily uphill and then to struggle on the down hill slopes was visually boggling. 

The effort required to ride, did not fit the picture in front of me. I rode up hill in one of my biggest gears that is usually reserved for down hill slopes and it was easy. Then I found myself having to stand up and ride in one of my easiest gears when I was going down here. I had to really push myself to make it down the hill and it was challenging. It was a bit confusing for me.

The Road Is Not Always How It Looks

As I reflected on this oddity, I thought about life. I have met many people along the way, who appear to be on the same road as I am. I have found those who are going downhill with me, yet for some reason they are struggling. I hate to say it, but I sometimes judged those people to be either lazy or unfocused. I never really considered that the wind might be blowing in their life. I just thought that since they were on the same road as me, they should be able to move forward just as easily as I was.

At other times, I have found those who are going uphill with me and for whatever reason, they are moving along with very little effort. When I thought about those people, I sometimes believed that they were lucky and that they didn't have to face the real world like the rest of us. As I began improving myself, I started to celebrate their accomplishments. The closer I looked. the more I realized that they really were working hard and that they had faced many days when the wind wasn't at their back. I could see that I was catching them on a good day, and that luck had very little to do with it. They had prepared for that moment and they were ready to move forward when the wind began to blow. 

Help Is On The Way 

As I thought about this in this new way, I began to see myself in a much better position to extend help to others. Some will find the road to be less challenging and others will find it to be more challenging. I can inspire and be inspired if I withhold my judgement from others. I can do more good when I seek to lift and encourage than I can when I seek to judge or tear down. 

Those that I find traveling with the wind at their back may not realize it and may not be giving that little extra effort that would pay enormous dividends under those circumstances. They may just be coasting along and feeling like it is a good time to take a break. I can encourage them to step up during those favorable conditions so that they may more easily reach for new heights.

Those that I find traveling with the wind in their face may not realize it and they may be discouraged and feeling like they cannot succeed. They may be blaming themselves even though it has nothing to do with them. I can lift them up and help them see that it is just the wind that is blowing and if they continue forward, it will eventually stop. I can also help them change direction so that they can begin traveling with the wind at their back. 

Be The Help That Others Need

You can help others too. Is there someone you know that appears to be struggling? What can you do to help them? How can you either protect them from the wind for a while or point them in a new direction? There may be those in your organization, who you are directly responsible for, that are struggling. How long has it been since you assessed their position? How can you make their life easier for them?

What about those that appear to have the wind at their back? How long has it been since you complimented them and told them how wonderful they are and how thankful you are for their contributions to your team? How can you recognize their success to build them up? What can you learn from them? They need that recognition. Don't be afraid to give it to them.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Parental Ways

Stacy recently asked me to help her edit a paper that she wrote for her class on Parenting and Child Guidance. Her assignment was to write about the way her parents raised her and the impact they had on her. It was a very interesting exercise for me. Her writings helped me understand her better and gave me great insight into her upbringing

In the assignment she had to write about her parent's patterns of discipline, communication, affection and support, and moral standards. It was fascinating to read and difficult to edit. The reason it was so difficult was because she was writing about things very important to her. She told me that the draft she sent me was longer than it needed to be and she not only wanted me to help her edit the content but she also wanted me to help her eliminate unnecessary content. It was a chore because it was not objective content. Everything she wrote was important to her and in some way she felt it was necessary. I was concerned that I would cut something that is important to her.

The Stories Of Life

As I read her paper, I could clearly see the impact her parent's have had in her life. I could also see how the stories she highlighted shaped her own parenting style. It was touching to read about the decisions we have made together and how we have incorporated our own stories to raise our own family.

I was aware of the many lessons she learned from her parents, both the good and the "not so good". From those lessons, she formed opinions and behavior patterns that she brought from her home to ours. She brought with her elements of the good and the "not so good". This reminded me that the lessons we learn in our home are very powerful and difficult to reshape. 

I lost myself in thought a couple of times thinking about the lessons that we are teaching our seven children. I am sure that every parent desperately wants to teach their children the lessons they will need to succeed in the world. Unfortunately, since none of us are perfect, we all fall short. This can cause some to feel guilty for the way they raised their children. In reality, good parents don't teach their children everything they know, they teach them how to learn what they need to know.

Some Lessons Show Us How, Others Show Us How Not To

This morning, I read some very real examples of how my wife's parents shaped her life in both positive and negative ways. I found myself feeling grateful for all of the lessons she learned from them. They did the best they could. It was clear from her narrative that she felt loved and supported by them. They have loved and supported me too over the years and they love our children. She thinks they might be surprised or even feel hurt by some of her memories, but I think they would understand. I also think they already know.

I understand that our children will one day share similar stories. They will take what they learn from us and they will do things their own way. Some things they will do because they like to do them. Some things they will do without knowing why they do them. Some things they will do, even though they swore they would never do them. That is the power of the parent/child relationship.

The Job Is Never Over

The summer adventure that I am living now includes Stacy's parents. It is fun to be living so close to them. We are taking advantage of the time to talk and share stories with each other. They are our parents and we are still learning from them. There is much to learn.

I hope my description of this exercise will cause you to think about your parent's and your children, (if you have children). I think the exercise of thinking about the impact of the way your parent's disciplined you, the way they communicated with you, the way they showed their love and affection for you, and the values they taught you is a great exercise to do at any stage of your marriage. I believe it would be a valuable exercise to encourage children who are about to get married to do. It brings a lot of understanding to the way we are and why we are that way. We decided today to invite our children to do it as a premarital exercise. 

Even more important though is to take personal inventory on these categories. 

What messages are you transmitting to your posterity? Are you teaching them the lessons you always hoped you would teach them? 

What are you most pleased with? What adjustments do you need to make?  

How do you know you are being understood? What can you do to make sure your children are receiving the messages you want them to receive?

Perhaps some of you reading feel some pain for the mistakes you have made along the way. I recognize that this pain is very real. I promise you that you will feel better when the pain goes away. You can make the pain go away by forgiving yourself and moving forward. As long as you are living, there is still time to be the kind of parent you have always wanted to be. All you have to do is step forward with hope and faith.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

 

Everything Can Be Fixed

Today, a new adventure begins. We bought a 1994 Volvo 850 on ebay about two years ago. It was a bad deal and has been nothing but problems since we became its owner. 

When we got it home, it immediately started leaking oil. We took it to our local mechanic and he advised us that we needed to change the main seal. We agreed to do it and $1,200.00 later we had it home. The problem was that it continued to leak. We took it back in and we were told that the top end needed to be rebuilt and that he did not think it would be worth doing. I took the car to a friend and he said he could do it for us. 

He began the work on the car and informed us that the engine had never been removed. We found this odd since we had just paid the $1,200.00 to have the main seal replaced. This made for an interesting conversation with our local mechanic that is still in the process of being resolved. 

We rebuilt the top end, but my friend did not have a way to pull the whole engine out so the leak remained. The car ran great, as long as we remembered to put oil in it. We forgot, and the engine ceased. Since the car was already here in Utah, we towed it down to Nephi and now it sits in the front yard as a symbol of the ultimate summer project. 

We will begin to tear it down today. We have recruited some of our local neighbors to help us. They have the tools, and the "know how" that we lack. My 15 year-old son Joseph and I will be the primary mechanics. My automotive experience is limited to volkswagen engines and this looks quite a bit different than those models. Joseph has never worked on a car before, but he is very good at disassembling and reassembling mechanical devices. We can't wait to get started.

We Have Nothing To Lose

We are excited about this adventure and our motto is "everything can be fixed." To us, the car is already lost, so if we are unsuccessful we will be no worse off than we are right now. 

Recognizing this reality, removes all of the fear of messing up. We can work on it at our leisure and we can learn as we go. We know we will run into a lot of great challenges, but that is what will make it fun. This is going to be a great a project for us to do together.

We began by reading the Haynes Engine Service Repair Manual for the Volvo 850. It is not as easy to understand as the Volkswagen "Idiot Manual" that we written by John Muir, but things are making sense to us and I am sure they will make even more sense as we begin to tear it apart.

Precautionary Measures

I am not as concerned about taking it apart as I am about putting it back together. We will use our Flip Video Camera to document our work. This will help us keep a record that we can see so that we at least will know what it should look like when we put it back together.

We will also keep a written record of what we are doing. One of our challenges will be finding a place to put the parts. We are pretty crowded here so we are thankful for a rather large trunk. It will most likely serve as our parts storage bin. We are excited to get started and Joseph is anxious for me to finish this post so that we can go at it.

The Car Is The Excuse

I am looking forward to to this opportunity to work with my son. I am sure my other sons will also be involved. There will be frustrating times. My goal is to remember that rebuilding this engine is not the purpose of this project. The purpose is to spend some quality time with my son while we solve a complex problem together. Neither one of us knows what we are doing, so we will need to exercise patience with each other. We are on equal footing.

Sometimes we get too busy to remember what is really important to us. What is important, is different for everyone of us, but generally, each of us spends too much time on the unimportant. The summer months are a good time to reevaluate how we are balancing our time. The longer days make it possible for us to do more after work is over. 

Who do you need to spend more time with? What it is that you enjoy doing, that you have not done for a while? What can you eliminate from your schedule that will make it possible for you to enjoy doing what you enjoy most?

Go ahead and answer these questions. Everything is possible and if something is broken, just remember our motto, "everything can be fixed!"

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Road Is Long

The roads here in Nephi Utah are wide open. It is proving to be a great place to train for my next Ironman Triathlon. The town's population of 5,231, makes it possible for me to run and ride on miles and miles of well maintained roads without hardly ever seeing another person or motorized vehicles. This makes it very easy for me to get lost in my thoughts. The hypnotic sound of my feet hitting the pavement provides a great escape from the physical nature of running, and transitions me into a world mesmerizing visions. 

Today, I knew where I wanted to run. On Friday, I scouted out a 13 mile loop that incorporated some of the nearby hills. About three miles of this new route is uphill on one of the busier highways. The speed limit on that road is 65 miles an hour and since I was on foot, I wanted to avoid it as much as possible. I took a road that was a couple of blocks south and started up the hill. I knew that on this particular road, I could get about half way up the hill. I decided to take it up as far as I could and then cross over to the busier highway.

I reached the crossroad that I knew if I headed north would take me over to the busier road. I had not scouted the road I was on any further than where I was at, so I did not know if there would be another road up ahead that would take me to the busier road. From where I was at, I could see the point on the hill that I wanted to reach. I could see that if I continues on the road I was on the pavement would end in about a mile, but I could not see if there would be another road heading north.

Pressing Forward

I could see that there were some houses up ahead and so I just imagined that there would be a north/south road that would take me to the busier road. I decided to keep running on the east/west road. When I reached the end of the pavement, the road that I had hoped for was not there. Rather than turn around, I continued running. About a mile later, the nice dirt road that I was on turned into an even more rustic looking road. The grass was high on both sides and in the middle. 

The road now looked like two tire tracks. The grass was up to my waist. For some reason I decided to continue forward, thinking that up ahead there would be a similar road that would cross over to the highway. I was being peppered by crickets and the further I went down the road the more I began to worry about snakes. Yet I kept moving forward hoping that there would be a road. 

I thought a lot about just running cross country over to the road, but there were too many fences to make that a viable possibility. Unfortunately for me, the road I was on finally came to a dead end and there was no way for me to continue forward without running through fences and hay fields. The north/south road was now at least two miles behind me. Because of my stubbornness, I had to back track. The whole detour was going to cost me four miles, which meant that I would not be able to run the route that I envisioned.

Strengths Can Become Weaknesses

One of my strengths, is my ability to stick with things. That particular strength has helped me many times to accomplish extraordinary feats. I must admit though that sometimes this particular strength has made life difficult for me. This was one of those times. I was now up the proverbial creek without a paddle and my only recourse was to turn around and face the facts that I had made a mistake. 

Everything Can Be Fixed

Obviously, the price I had to pay in this instance was really not that big of a deal. My goal for the day was to run 13 miles and all I really had to do now was choose a different route to get my miles in. This got me thinking about the other times when I followed an erroneous path. I realized once again that everything can be fixed. When the moment I realize I have erred arrives, I basically have two choices. I can fall down on the ground and cry and ask why does this always happen to me, or I can ask myself what am I going to do about this? I have found that looking for a way out is a much better solution than feeling guilty and blaming myself for my actions. 

It is true that I caused the problem, but I am also capable of finding the way out of it. All I have to worry about is staying positive and moving forward. Too many of us spend too much time beating ourselves up for stupid decisions and foolish actions. Life is a journey and there will be many times when we will run ourselves into dead ends like I did today. That only means that we need to turn around and find a new way. It does not mean that we are finished and that we can no longer progress.

Turning Around

There are a lot of us in trouble right now. Many of us feel like we have reached a dead end. If you are one of those people, I want you to pause for a moment and ask yourself the following question: "what can I do today to turn things around? How can I find a new road that will take me where I want to go? You may discover that you have to back track, that is Ok. You may also discover that you have now added miles to your journey. Just remember that the joy is in the journey. Be willing to move forward and you will learn many new things as a result of the new route you will discover. It is at the turn when home comes into view. Don't look now, but you are making progress.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548