Very often, I am asked what I consider to be a very important question. I consider it an important question because so many of us are searching for the answer. I hear it everywhere I go. The question: How do I do it all? It is usually followed by a series of admissions that go something life this – I get 180 emails a day, the phone is constantly ringing, Every other minute somebody is stopping by my door asking – “do you got a minute?”, my boss is never satisfied, over the past year I have gained 20 pounds because I have no time to exercise, my family is suffering because I am never home, I find myself answering emails at 1:00 AM and my phone when I am Disneyland with my family, I never have time for myself - and the list goes on and on. And then they ask again, how do I do it all? Is there such a thing as work/life balance?
This is such an important topic that it is not the first time I have covered it and it will not be the last. The question of work life balance is critical to being fulfilled. In fact I blogged on this topic just last week in my post titled 50,000 Feet Up. I am not worried about being repetitive here because I am approaching at a whole new angle today. And there are so many individual things that we can do to make our life better.
The first thing that I do to ensure that I have balance in my life is to gain an understanding of what is most important to me. I must know what I want, what it will cost to get it and what I am not willing to give up to get it. When I put a plan in action, it focuses me on the results that I want and helps me drive those results. Because I know where I am going, I end up where I want to be.
My next step is to declare to all of those that would benefit the most, and to some who won’t benefit at all, what I am going to do. By telling them what I am going to do they become the enforcer of my new behavior. Once I declare my aspiration to them, even if they never mention it to me again, I know that I must be accountable for what I said I was going to do. I know they know I said I was going to do it, so I become more serious in my pursuit. I tell as many people as I can and eventually people start asking how I am doing which means I must do something to improve.
For some, this may seem like too much added pressure. I say wake-up. You will never feel the balance that you want until you are willing to step away from the pressures of work and allow yourself to feel and respond to the pressures of life. For the people who are already in over their head in work issues this is one of the only ways I have found to wake them up from the self-deceptive belief that the most important thing is the job and that they are doing the job so that they can meet all of their other needs. The job can never meet all of our needs and the more we let the job meet all of our needs, the less effective we become at doing our job. I know it seems counterintuitive, but each of us needs time away from the job in order to be most effective. The connectivity gains in the world make us all available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The only thing we can do is shut off our computers and phones so we can focus on something else. Otherwise there will be no space for other pursuits.
I sometimes go to work with the false belief that my work is so important because it provides for my family. I tell myself that I am doing it for them. I know in my case, my family wants more of my time, not more money to take my place. When I tell them I am going to spend more time with them they make sure I do. I have written before about my habit of hanging up the phone before I enter the house. This was a suggestion that I received from my wife and kids. I immediately agreed that I would do it, and then proceeded to arrive home several times after making that agreement on the phone. It didn’t take long before my family was saying – “hey, you said you were going to hang up the phone before you walk in the door.” What could I do? I had to follow-through with what I said I was going to do or I would be a phony to my most important stakeholders. In a very short amount of time, it became very easy to tell my clients that I was home and that I always make sure I am off the phone when I enter the house. It inspired many of them to do the same.
We understand the concept of stakeholder input so very well at work, yet we fail to use it in the other areas of our life. I recommend that when we start to use these important people to help us reach for integration of our life pursuits, they will ensure we do what we say we are going to do and that we actually feel the balance in our life.
My final suggestion for today is the thought that I must review my plan often. If I don’t, I can’t improve it. By reviewing my plan I can see where I am falling short and where I am succeeding. When I understand what is working I am in a better position to do more of that. If I don’t know what is working, then I will continue to do what is not working. I must hone my focus on the successes I have and celebrate for myself. This keeps me aware of what brings me the most satisfaction.
I have an exercise for you that will be most revealing. Please take a moment and write down the things you love doing the most. After you have made that list, write down the things you actually do the most. I will make a guess that most of us spend most of our time doing the things that we like to do the least. It doesn’t have to be this way, but it will always be this way until we allow ourselves to feel the pain of seeing how misaligned our life can be. This is why the review phase is so critical. Make your list now and let me know how you are doing. My contact info is below.
See you on the road!
Andrew Thorn
760-559-3548
athorn@telioscorp.com
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