Just before Christina, our oldest child, learned to walk, Stacy and I moved in to the home of a family member, so that we could save money for a down payment on our own home. They had a dog that often failed to make it outside to do its business. As a result, the carpets were a soiled and stained.
Because we were afraid that she might get sick or crawl into a mess, we decided that it would not be a good idea to put her on the floor. We carried her with us, every where we went. When we moved out, she was 13 months old and she still had not learned how to walk.
In our new home, we still carried her around with us because we loved her so much. Very quickly we began to realize that if we did not put her down on the ground, she would never learn to walk. We began putting her on the floor and within three or four days she was walking on her own.
Time To Grow Up
A couple of months ago, I told Christina, who is just about to turn 20, this story. I had never shared it with her before, and I could tell that she was fascinated by it. I shared with her how much we loved carrying her around and how difficult it was to put her down on the floor. Then, I told her how difficult it was for me to watch her fall as she learned to walk. There were many times when I just wanted to pick her up to save her from another one.
I explained to her that I was quite certain that if we never put her down, she would have never learned to walk. I understood that the process of learning to walk would carry with it some pain, but in the long run it would be best for her if she could master that skill. Knowing this, helped me get through the experience.
Then I got real serious and I told her that it was time, once again, for her mother and I to let go. A year ago, she moved out of our home. Since that time, she has been enjoying a very exciting social life. She has a job, but normally only worked about 13 hours a week. This did not provide enough to cover her needs so Stacy and I made up the difference.
Because we felt like she was capable of working more than 13 hours a week, we decided that we would no longer make up the difference after the first of August. This would give her a couple of months to find a full time job that could meet her needs.
The Joy Of Growing
At first, Christina thought it would be easy to find a full time job, so she continued to play. She told us that she had plenty of time to find a job. When she finally got serious about it, she quickly discovered that it would be more difficult than she anticipated.
As August approached she began to be a bit nervous about her situation and even suggested that she might have to move home with us. I told her to be diligent and to not give up. She continued her search.
During the last week of July she finally found a full time job that could meet her needs. At the same time, she was offered another part time job. To the astonishment of all, she was blessed with three jobs.
She worked 63 hours during the first week of August, and though she was tired, she discovered that working is fun and that she is good at it. We are very happy for her. We are all excited for August 20th to arrive because that is the day of her first paycheck from her full time job.
It Is Hard To Let Go
It was very hard for us to tell Christina that we would no longer be supporting her financially. I spent many moments wondering if we were doing the right thing. In the long run, we realized that it would be the best thing for her, so we let go of the fear that we had for her.
Sometimes we hold on to our children too long. We think we are doing them a favor when we do everything for them. We think that it is a sign of our love, but if we really love them, we will let them go. The lessons we are learning right now with Christina will help us raise our other children.
We are determined to start even sooner with our younger ones. We want them to be self-reliant. We know that the only way to teach this is to allow them opportunities where they must rely on themselves. It is safe to do this in the home. We are committed to teaching our children the value of work. We are committed to working with them.
What is going on in your life? Do you have adult children that are still dependent on you? What did you learn about work in the home you grew up in? What are you teaching your children about work? What does it mean to you to let go? I don't think it is ever too soon or too late. Are you ready to do it?
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