21 years ago today, I married my sweetheart, Stacy Van Liew. She is the love of my life and I would do anything for her. Though I have always said that, I haven't always lived up to it. Sometimes, I just did what I thought she needed, only to discover that I was giving her what I wanted and not what she wanted. It is funny how love works. If we really want to love those that matter most to us, then we better find out what they want and need. If we give them only what we want them to have or what we are willing to give, then our relationships, will suffer the consequences.
I am so thankful for Stacy. She always supports me and my crazy ideas. I love it when I make a suggestion and she runs with it. It could be the craziest thing and off she goes chasing the dream with me. Let me illustrate: One summer I took my sons to Oregon. My mother was with us and we visited a hill top ranch that was once owned by my great grandfather. I loved being on that hill. It was quiet and peaceful. The ranch is in a very remote part of Oregon. Nothing is around it. I came away from that experience with a desire to buy the ranch. When I called Stacy, I was excited about my visit. I told her that I wanted to buy the property. She said, that would be neat. We talked about a few other things and then hung up. When I called back later in the day, I asked her what she was doing. She said she was drawing a lodge. I said, "what for", and she said, "how will we invite people to our ranch if we don't have a place for them to visit." I dreamed a dream and immediately she was dreaming it with me. It doesn't get any better than that.
Living Love!
I love Stacy and she loves me. It doesn't seem like we have been married that long, yet I can't remember ever living without her by my side. We enjoy a successful marriage. Our life together has not always been easy, but we have faced every challenge together. I sometimes feel sorry for her because she picked me. I am sure there has been at least one time (hey, nobody is perfect) when she wondered why, but that never stopped her from loving and supporting me.
Our marriage is successful because it is alive. It continues to grow and be defined. We don't let the mistakes of our past haunt us. We forgive each other when we hurt each other and we move on. The bitter and the sweet go together. We entered it with an eternal covenant and a promise to each other that divorce would never be an option.
I am glad we had that discussion from the very beginning. I see too many couples getting married with the thought in their mind that if it doesn't work they will just get a divorce and start over somewhere else. When I married Stacy, she gave herself to me and I gave myself to her. From day one, we held everything common among us. It makes us happy to share everything we have together.
We are not the same people that we were when we married each other. Both of us continue to grow, but we are growing together. The years we have spent through the good and the not so good moments have forged a trust that could not be created any other way. I am thankful to know that she is faithful to me and that I am her one and only. I am thankful that I can say that she is my one and only and that I am faithful to her. There is so much value in fidelity. I can not understand why our society tries so hard to sell us the idea that we need to give in to our most basic urges and desires. There is no happiness down that path. True happiness comes from being true and faithful to each other. Any other way leads to a cruel cul-de-sac of pain.
Making It Real!
I will not pretend for a moment that it is easy to maintain this type of relationship. It takes a lot of work. Any pause of focus will only lead to a deterioration of the relationship. Any relationship, just like our bodies, needs exercise to stay fit. What are you doing to keep the passion and trust alive in your relationship? What are you doing to make it grow? Are you listening so that you can discover what your spouse needs from you? or Are you just giving what you think s/he needs?
I want you to give me an anniversary gift today. I want you to really listen to your spouse or somebody you care about deeply. Pay attention. I am sure they are going to express a wish or a desire that you can fulfill. I am sure that normally you are too tired or too busy to hear it. I know this because I often do the same thing. Today I want you to hear and grant that wish. You can do it. It doesn't matter if it is a big thing or a small thing, just do it. Because this will probably be seen as abnormal behavior, you may not get the response you hope for. That doesn't matter. I don't want you to do it for you, I want you to do it for the person you love. Just give without any expectation. That is the beauty of a pure gift - when we give it, we do not expect anything in return. Will you do it? I hope you will and that you will write or call me to tell me how it went.
Live Today! Love Today!
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