Andrew Thorn - The Authentic Me

Do You See What I See?

I mentioned in a previous post that the road to my client's office here in Buenos Aires passes along side the Rio De La Plata. For months now, this road has been under construction. The construction crews are busy widening the road.

On one stretch of the road, it appears that there is no room to widen the road. On one side there is an airport and on the other, there is the river. The only choice was to build the new lanes in the river. Each day, the work crews deliver sand, gravel and fill dirt to the river banks, and then compact it down with heavy equipment. 

Not surprisingly, It is taking a lot of time to build these new lanes. Some of the materials wash away before the construction workers are able to compact it down. They have been at it now for over a year. 

I am sure that the every day passerby hardly notices that progress is being made, but as a monthly observer, I can easily see the changes being made. The differences that are occurring over time are very small and subtle, but they are very real.

Behavioral Progress Is Difficult To See

So it is with our own personal growth and development. It takes time to change our behavior and it is difficult for those closest to us to notice that we are growing. Our development happens in very small stages so many barely recognize that we are growing. 

They don't see it, because they see us as they have experienced us in the past, and they hold tightly to those memories. One of the most difficult things about growing is changing the perceptions that others have. 

How Do You See The World?

It use to upset me when people did not notice that I was growing. Then I realized that I suffered from the same problem. I was so focused on not being noticed, that I failed to notice the growth in others. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted my growth to be seen by others, then I would need to start seeing the growth that they were experiencing.

I still find it very difficult to do with those closest to me. For some reason, I want to hold on to the previous experiences and the belief that my close family and friends are still like they were in the past. It makes it harder for me to see who they are now, when they fail to see me for who I am. There is a much stronger emotional reaction when they fail to see me and it throws me off of my resolve to see them.

One strategy that works for me is to ask myself at every new encounter, "what is different about this person I love?" When I ask myself this question, I get in touch with the love I have for him or her and I look for the growth that is occurring with my friend or family member. The answers to this question never cease to amaze me.

Seeing Things As They Really Are

Questions like the one I just posed, help me to see what is current and real helping me bust away the previous perceptions that I formed, which may no longer be valid.

Like the new lanes being built along the Rio De La Plata, it takes a lot of time to build new images of those we love and admire. It is only difficult to see, when we keep seeing what we have always seen. The only way to see what is new is to look for it. Are you looking?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Of Masks and Fog

I landed in Peru last night at about 11:30 PM local time. We were greeted by two people dressed in complete surgical gowns, caps and masks. As I exited the plane, I was asked to sign an affidavit that I am not sick and that I do not have any of the symptoms of swine flu.

This was an interesting way to be greeted. It did not instill much confidence in me and it made me feel pretty uncomfortable getting off the plane.

Quite a few people on the plane were also wearing masks for their protection. The site of it invoked a bit of fear in me. I don't want to catch an airborne virus, but there is no way to see it and I read somewhere that the masks are somewhat ineffective anyway. I am not sure how to really protect myself from this possibility.

Fog

When I arrived in Buenos Aires this morning, visibility was extremely low. We had to abort our landing one time because the pilot did not line up correctly. It never feels good to be descending and then all of a sudden ascending as fast as possible. It is a sure sign that something is going wrong. 

I never saw the ground, I only felt it when we touched down. It seemed like we taxied for a long time because I had no idea where the gates were. 

It was cold here, about 32 degrees fahrenheit. Everybody had winter coats on, which seemed kind of strange since it is turning to summer in Apple Valley. The fog made it feel colder than it really is.

Open and Hidden 

I thought about these two threats as I was exercising this morning. One seemed much more real than the other. The site of people masked and gowned was unsettling to me. It made me think more about the possibility of catching some disease, even though the statistics of the swine flu are far from pandemic. It really is hardly a blip compared to other strains of influenza, yet we are all being very careful. 

The fog on the other had was most likely much more dangerous for me, yet I felt calm when I saw it. I was more annoyed when we aborted the landing than I was afraid. I didn't want to be late and I wondered why the pilot was having such a hard time. I didn't really think about the fact that he was doing us all a favor by making sure he was properly aligned, I just wanted to land and get out of the plane.

Seeing The Signs

Sometimes the signs of panic are louder than the signs of real danger. A word, a phrase, a tone, or an expression can send me in the wrong direction. Casual conversations can turn into difficult conversations without much effort. Like the mask and gown, a careless choice of words can send us into panic.

The real dangers settle in around us like the fog. They just kind of creep in and blanket the area. They are underlying policies and agendas that appear without fanfare, but truly blanket our environment in ways that make it hard for us move. Eventually they surround us so thickly that we cannot move and must abort our forward progress.

What am I talking about? 

It is difficult to determine between the two sometimes. When is a threat really a threat and when it is just part of our active imaginations? Can you identify the difference? How do you overcome the fear that can be produced from the panic of others? What do you do to stay calm when the threat is real? Do you feel like you are prepared in the event of emergency? What can you do to become better prepared? Are you paying attention to what is going on around us, or is the fog just rolling in on you?

There will always be both real and imaginary threats. Confidence comes from knowing in advance how you will act when faced with those threats. I know it is impossible to be prepared for every scenario, but the more thought given to the many possibilities the better prepared you will be.

See you on the road!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Unclogging The Leadership Pipeline

There is a sandy wash near our home that runs out of the desert hills. The wash is concealed by the homes in our neighborhood, and if you didn’t know it was there, you would most likely miss it. I enjoy running on its sandy floor to get to the open desert.

Some of the neighbors decide at times to use the wash as a dump hoping that the rare desert rains will wash away their tree clippings and leaves. We didn’t get much rain this year and those rubbish piles ended up serving as a nice catch for the many wind blown tumbleweeds that grace our local surroundings.

In one area, a tumbleweed pile got so big that it completely blocked the wash, making it impossible for me to run though it. Getting around it, proved to be no easy trick. Something needed to be done about that pile.

Lighting the Fire

The more I examined the problem, the more I knew that the easiest and quickest way to get rid of it was to burn it. Burning tumbleweeds is a fairly regular event here in the desert so I began watching for a windless day.

One calm morning around 5:00 AM, I headed out with my rake, some newspaper, and a box of matches. At the pile, I separated a few tumbleweeds and lit them on fire. Even though there was nothing else around to burn, I wanted to make sure the fire did not get too big for me to control.

As soon as the fire was lit, the neighborhood dogs began to bark. I don’t know any of my neighbors who live in this particular area of the wash, but it wasn’t long until we were introduced.

The first neighbor that came out, asked me what I was doing. He thought that I had discovered the fire and asked me if that was the case. I told him that I had started it on purpose to clear the area. This caused him some concern, especially since he did not know me, and he questioned my intent. I told him that I lived in the area and that I regularly run up the wash and that I had decided to clean it up.

For whatever reason, he did not believe my story and while I was working to keep the fire under control; he stood there yelling at me. He told me to stop, but it was a little late for that. The fire was growing and it needed to be tended or it had the potential to be a problem. I worked without responding to his insults and demands, and after a while he said he was going to call the Police and Fire Departments.

Another Point of View

While he was doing that, a neighbor from the other side of the wash came out and began asking me similar questions. When he understood that I was cleaning out the clogged wash, he was grateful. He agreed that something needed to be done and he was surprised that someone who did not live right by the mess would be willing to clean it up.  He asked me if I wanted to use his garden hose to make sure the fire did not get out of control. I said yes and he went to work helping me.

Although the pile covered about fifty feet of the wash, and in some areas it was over five feet high, it only took ten or fifteen minutes until it was reduced to a small pile of smoldering ash. I felt its intense heat as I worked, but I barely ever saw the flames. I was so busy keeping it under control that I did not have time to watch it. I quickly doused the remaining hot spots and made sure the fire was out.  

One Small Spark Can Make A Difference

Eventually, I was able to stand back and see the difference only one small spark made to the unruly clog that previously impeded my passage through the wash. The mess was now gone and the way was clear. A problem was solved and the benefit was clearly evident.

In some ways, the impact of this fire reminds me of some of the work I am doing now. For the past 23 years I have been tinkering with a process commonly known as peer-to-peer learning and sometimes referred to as peer coaching. This work eventually became the focus of my doctoral dissertation. It has been used quite a bit in the educational and medical fields, but its impact is yet to be fully felt in the corporate world. It is an efficient, economical and experience based leadership development model.

Filling The Leadership Pipeline

Many HR and Learning and Development officers see a clog in their leadership pipeline. The clog represents the difficulty in helping its corporate citizens – their employee base, become accountable for, and engaged in their own personal development plan. 

Individual coaching is now looked upon as an extremely productive way to assist others to become their very best. Its major drawback is that it is expensive. The challenge for many organizations is figuring out how to provide it for everyone. Coupled with the cost, is the fact that it is most effectively delivered by those who have been trained to do so. The task of providing every person in the organization a personal coach seems to be an impossible feat. The peer coaching process offers an affordable way to break though this reality. Its innovative methodology specifically teaches each employee how to coach and be coached by others. Its results have been proven to meet and even exceed the results produced by one-on-one senior leadership coaching strategies.

Only The Beginning

There are others, like me, who are pioneering this process. We will join together this week in Chicago to begin filming a documentary on how it works. Our combined purpose is to educate the corporate world about this process, which was specifically designed to accelerate its efforts in developing its most important asset: its people.

Organizations are constantly challenged by the critical need to develop their leadership bases. Most know whom their future leaders will be, but struggle figuring out how they will prepare them. If the tiny flames of this process are nurtured, they have the potential to ignite a significant change in the way personal development plans are created and implemented.

Like my tumbleweed fire, there are detractors and supporters. Those who understand the need or feel the impact of this clog are happy to see us progress. Some feel threatened by the process because they do not yet see its benefits. Our job is to make everyone feel safe so that they can grow.

I am excited to be a part of this project. The potential benefits are staggering. I look forward to sharing our progress as we make our way.

Stay Tuned!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Bridging Generational Gaps

The executive team I was working with last week brought up an increasingly popular topic. They were concerned with the widening gap between generations and wanted to know how they can leverage the strengths of these generational differences to create performance efficiencies and competitive advantages. 

I first began to hear concerns over this topic about five years ago. The everyday work experience continues to provide significant evidence that generational differences can create communication challenges throughout the organization. When you were born and what was going on in our world as you were growing up creates a filter for the way you look at the world. Those that grow up under different circumstances espouse different values.

Inherent in each of us, is a strong desire for our personal values to be valued and accepted by others. It is difficult to accept when we discover that they are not. Especially when the lack of acceptance comes from someone much younger or older. A challenge to our values is a challenge to our individual nature. It can be difficult to receive such challenges with an open mind.

Bridging The Gap

The question, on the minds of many right now is, "How do we begin to bridge the gap between these generational differences?" A good place to start is taking the time to understand what each generation values and why they value it.

One topic brought up constantly is that the newest generation, commonly referred to as "Generation Y / Millennials / Nexters", does not possess a solid work ethic. It is said that the "Nexters" value time away from work more than they value time at work. Many have been known to leave a very good job so that they can take six months off and tour the world. This drives the "Boomers" and the older "Xers" a little bonkers.

The desire for time off, is often interpreted to mean that this generation does not know how to work. I get questions around the work ethic of the "Nexters" and some of the younger "Xers" all the time. 

I started wondering about this and decided to interview a few people (8) from this generation to gain an understanding of the real value behind the behavior. I was fascinated by what I began to discover.

Two Contributing Factors

Through my interviews, I identified two common threads that were both mentioned in nearly all of my conversations. Both of these findings may hit a bit close to home for some of us. I know they made me think.

The first learning is that the "Nexters" grew up in homes where both parents if they grew up in a two parent household, or their single parent, constantly put work demands over private demands. This meant that their parents were often too busy or too tired to play an important role in their life. They felt the pain as a child of living that way and do not want to live that way as an adult. Many said that they would never allow their work experiences to interfere in their life experiences, the way they witnessed them interfere in the life experiences of their parents. 

The second learning is that the "Nexters" grew up in homes where much of the work was done by outside contractors. Most reported living in homes where yard work and house work were done by outside help. Few reported ever working with their parents on projects around the house. They said that they never really learned to work around their homes. This caused them to view work from a different lens. The view most commonly reported was that hard work was for somebody else to do.

Paradigm Shift

As I considered both of these learnings, I came to understand why this generation sees things such differently than mine. My mom was always home. Her job was raising our family. She taught me how to work hard and play hard. The rule in our home was that there would be no fun until the work was done, but when we finished our work we enjoyed a lot of fun. I was even taught that work was fun. I was taught to enjoy the results of my work. It was an important part of my childhood experience and I understood that it would always be an important part of my life.

As I listened to the stories of my young friends, I began to see why they value what they value. Their stories made sense to me, just like my own story makes sense. They said that in order to feel the way I feel about work, they would have to enjoy a trusting environment like I enjoyed so that they could see harmony between their work and life experiences. 

The opportunity exists for organizations to really prove that their human capital truly is their most important asset. Organizational leaders can make a difference by discovering why the different generations value different things and then create the plan that helps create satisfaction and engagement.

What Is Your Organization Doing?

As I mentioned, many of the organizations I work with are puzzled by what they can do to bridge the generational gaps? The good news is that they are asking the question and that they are experimenting with solutions. Are you a leader in your organization? If you answered no, why not? You may not be the leader with a capital "L", but you are a leader. What can you do to be a change agent in this area? It is one thing to sit around with your executive team or with your coworkers and ask why a certain generation behaves the way they do. It is quite another to sit around and discuss what your team can do to harness the generational differences to increase your competitive advantage. I believe it can be done. The trick is to ask the right questions. What questions come to your mind?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Tuning Quality of Conflict

One of my goals for the year is to improve my guitar playing skills. I took my first guitar lesson when I was a little over eight years old. I had lessons on and off until I graduated from High School, but I never really practiced so I never really learned how to play. I always wanted to play, but I did not want to practice. It seemed boring and my mom grew tired of paying for lessons that were not practiced. Despite all the opportunities that I had as a youth I never learned to play.

Over 35 years have now passed since that first lesson and I still feel attracted to the idea of playing the guitar. That is why I decided to do something about it his year. A couple of years ago my brother Danny, who plays the guitar very well, told me about a famous guitar player named Esteban who was selling a CD course for learning to play the guitar. My sons wanted to learn how to play so I bought them the guitar and instructional CDs for Christmas. They said they wanted to learn how to play the guitar but liked practicing as much as I did and they never even opened the CDs. I decided I would use the CDS for my instruction this year. My goal for the year is to be able play the song Olympic Guitars by Livingston Taylor Download Olympic Guitar

As I began the course, I was taught again the very first thing every student of the guitar learns; how to tune the guitar. An untuned guitar can never produce the beautiful music I love. It must be in tune for it to be enjoyed. The process of tuning a guitar is fairly simple. The headstock, located at the end of the guitar neck is fitted with machine heads that adjust the tension of the strings, which in turn affects the pitch. When you put the right amount of tension on the strings the guitar is in tune. When the tension is either too loose or too tight the guitar doesn't sound right.

Conflict In Life

There is a life lesson to learn from tuning a guitar and that is when I have either too little or too much tension in my life, my life will be out of tune. I need some forms of conflict and tension to help me strech and grow. I need to be stretched just like the strings of the guitar in order for me to reach my potential.

So why does conflict get such a bad rap.  Most likely, it is because its common meaning is  “a competitive or opposing action of incompatibles.” This is generally what we think of when we think about or experience conflict.

I don't think it is possible to learn without conflict. For me, learning occurs when I am presented with something that I have never experienced before. The things that challenge my existing beliefs are the most interesting to me. Avoiding these types of challenges prevents me from learning something new. Very few gains in my life have happened without some sort of conflict or tension. There is always opposition in every thing I do.  Without it there would be no growth.  Conflict promotes and even accelerates my growth.

Developing Conflict Competence

Despite the benefits of conflict that I am describing, I am also aware that it can be a significant derailer. In order for it to work in my favor I need to trust the typical sources of conlfict. I speak of the people I work and live with. When I trust those that I am dealing with, then I learn to accept their expressions of conflict as gifts.  I recognize that they are only giving me the information I need to tighten my strings so that I can be in tune. This recognition helps me realize what I need to do in order to grow. When I keep this in mind I am much more likely to embrace new ideas instead of rejecting them.

When I stop and think about it, the biggest fear that comes from conflict is that I will have to change.  Avoiding conflict is a defense mechanism that protects me from being wrong.  This avoidance impedes my progress.  When I do that, I am stuck with my limitations and I am unable to be free. 

Getting the Most From Conflict

What are some ways that you use confilct productively? How has it derailed you in the past? Do you agree that it can be a productive part of your life? How do you deal with it home? What about in your work groups? Do you meet it head on, or do you avoid it to keep the peace? What questions do you have about conflict?

I find these questions and others very fascinating. I want to know what you are thinking and I look forward to hearing from you. As always, you can post a comment here, email me, or give me a call. Remember, if you are not in tune, you won't produce the harmony you want in your life. So tune yourself today.

Life is good!

Andrew Thorn
760-559-3548

What Are You Doing To Be A Good Leader?

I was asked a very interesting question over the weekend; What happens when those that are following want to lead too? I asked for clarification and the question came from the idea of the run I describe in my post on January 9, 2009. In it, I describe my normal process of selecting a route to run. My friend, and frequent running partner Rex, wanted to know what happens when somebody is running with me and they want to run a different route than the one I selected for the day. He was likening the real life work experience of having people want to lead when they are expected to follow. He said it is very easy to run a course by yourself but more difficult to get people to follow you on your chosen course.

You Will Lead So Learn To Follow

His question caused me to think a lot about the whole idea of leadership. I don't think we can call ourselves leaders if nobody is following us. And I don't think we can ever become a good leader if we don't learn to follow. Yet rarely do we hear about the characteristics of a good follower. To illustrate my point, I did a google search this morning on the term leadership and discovered that there were 163,000,000 hits on this term. I then did a search on followership and found that it had only 148,000 hits. That is quite a significant difference. It demonstrates what I already thought - everybody wants to be a leader, but very few people want to be a follower.

So What?

Ok so I identified the obvious now my question is so what? Rex wanted to know what I do when somebody who I am suppose to be the leader of decides that they want to do things their own way. It was more than the person wanted to be a leader. I think he meant that, for whatever reason, the person did now want to be a follower. Depending on the circumstances, this may or may not be a problem.

It is a problem in a corporate setting when an employee does not willingly follow the line of legitimate authority. When I am working with a client who is experiencing this type of challenge I see just how difficult this can really be. But this is where I ask, "whose problem is this?" and "as a leader, what is your contribution to this problem?" 

Most people understand that it is career suicide to willingly disobey a boss. The circumstances must be pretty bad for someone to actually do that. When this happens I want to look for my contribution because it is really the only thing I can change. I am not responsible for everything, the person involved also is contributing to the problem, but I cannot change him or her. I can only change me. So the real question I ask myself is - "am I behaving in a way worth following?"

Developing a following requires a lot of work. People do not follow for very long just because they have to do it. They want and deserve a leader worth following. My primary job as a leader is to develop behaviors and characteristics that outstanding leaders possess. Sometimes is is uncomfortable to be a leader and that is why many people choose to pass when leadership opportunities come their way. In order to thrive as a leader I must be willing to grow in ways that are sometimes difficult to see. And, when I see them they are usually even more difficult to accept that I need to grow in that area.

Learning To Follow

I do not wish to excuse the follower for doing this in any way by stating that it is the leader's responsibility to be a good leader. It is equally important for a follower to learn how to be a good follower. As a follower it is dangerous to lead in a direction that is contradictory to the direction the leader is setting. In most cases it will cause problems for both. If I become disaffected with my leader, it is my responsibility to approach my leader and state the reasons for my discontent. I cannot expect the leader to do it my way, nor can I expect the leader to read my mind. As a follower, I must ask myself, "what can I do to support my leader?" Just like the leader, I must ask myself, "what is my contribution to this problem?' If I approach it this way I can be of great help. I can still constructively criticize what is going on, but instead of being just a voice of criticism I become a facilitator of growth and change. 

What Do You Think?

These are my thoughts on this subject. I am wondering now what you are thinking. Have I got it all wrong? How would you answer Rex's question?

See you on the road!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

andrew@andrewthorn.com

Can You Be Good and Happy?

Yesterday, I came across a very interesting poll in our local paper. It was just listed as "Poll Results" so I do not know the source of the poll. I have searched on line and as of yet, I have not found its source. The poll asks, "Would you rather have your children be good or be happy? 

I must admit that this question took me by surprise. It is hard for me to correlate being good with being unhappy and this question seems to imply that I must choose one or the other for my children. To me that makes no sense. 

Choices Determine Results

I believe that our choices determine whether or not we will be happy. I can choose to be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do. But I can not choose the consequences of those choices. For example, if I enjoy taking naps on a railroad track and I am a heavy sleeper, I don't think anyone would be surprised if ended up being run over by a train. I know this sounds extreme, but I have made similarly stupid choices in their own context before and it is the results or consequences of those choices that created the most unhappy times in my life.

Being good requires that I make good choices. I believe that good choices lead to happy times. I am not naive enough to believe that if I am good, everything will be peachy keen. I know that bad things happen to good people all the time. But good people seem to know how to be happy even when bad things happen to them. The people that I know that are focused on being good, never ask why me. They ask, "what can I do to relieve this suffering?" or "what haven't I thought of yet that will help me get out of this situation?" 

"Bad People", if there really is such a thing, cannot ever truly be happy. Their bad/poor choices will eventually lead them to despair. Sooner or later, they will be discovered as fraudulent. We have seen this over and over in the corporate world. Greed and selfishness - two characteristics that I would classify as bad - so often lead to poor decisions. They both tempt people to be less than they really are. When people behave badly, there is a consequence whether their bad behavior is discovered or not. One consequence is the fear of being discovered which plagues people until they finally are discovered. The people I know who are behaving badly are always looking for someone else to blame for their behavior. They often ask the question, "whose fault is this?" They want to know what you are going to do to make them happy. They think that the world owes them happy times.

What Can You Do About It?

I have made too many bad choices in my life to believe that we can always be good. And I know that I will make more bad choices in whatever time I have left on this planet. I am human - I cannot avoid it. I know, however, that I can do something about the bad choices that I make. The moments when my behavior ends up being outside of the boundaries of my own standards are moments when I can choose to either wake up or to continue on the course. I know where the course leads. It leads to despair and suffering and sorrow. The farther I travel down that path the more unhappiness I find.

I have a powerful question that I ask myself in those moments. It is a simple question, but I know that it is by plain and simple things that extraordinary things happen. I ask myself - when I have that moment of awareness - "Is this what I really want?" This question almost always brings me back to reality and allows me the opportunity to get back on track. The only way out of a bad choice is to make a good one. Too often bad choices are made worse by more bad choices. There is a saying that I love. It says, "Wickedness never was happiness." I know that this statement is true. We cannot expect to be happy if we behave badly. We can not expect to be happy if we choose to be bad.

If you want to be happy, then study what happy people do. You will find that they are always looking for ways to become better. They are looking to improve the shining moments of life. They want to be good. They want to help more and be more than they have ever been before. They do this because they know that when they do they feel most happy.

What Do You Think?

I am interested in what you think about this. Do you think that you have to make a choice between being good and being happy? What do you think causes happiness? Please take a moment to share your thoughts with me by commenting below.

Shine your light on someone today who is in darkness. Let them know that Life is Good!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

athorn@telioscorp.com

 

The Perfect Day

One of the biggest desires my clients express to me is the desire for more time. In my opinion, time is the only scarce resource we possess. Everything else can be replenished, but there is only a limited amount of time every day and eventually we will all run out of it. There is no way for any of us to get more time. All we can do is learn to use our time wisely.

We can't stop time either. It passes, whether we want it to or not. Some activities cause it to appear to pass more quickly than others. Others make it to appear to pass more slowly, but those are usually the activities that we do not enjoy. As we age, it seems to pass by a lot more quickly too. 

One of the thoughts that motivates me to spend time discovering and being my best self is that the time will pass by no matter what I am doing so I might as well be doing something I want to do. Take for example the pursuit of an advanced degree. It requires a lot of sacrifice to do something like that. It means that I will have to give up some of my free time. I won't be able to watch as much TV and I may have to cut out other things too. Before I began my MBA program I played racquetball on a regular basis. When I began the program I had to stop playing because I could no longer fit it into my schedule. My point is that because we only have so much time, we must allocate the time to fit what we want to do or we won't be able to do it. The choices we make in life determine how we can use our time. Whatever we do must fit into the time we have. The conflict comes when we try to do to much without reallocating our time. 

I think we all realize the danger of going through life without a plan. Despite this general awareness, very few people actually develop a plan to live on purpose. The majority of us go through life day by day hoping for the best. The older people get the less likely they are to develop a plan because they are involved in a life routine that meets their basic needs. Striving for something more would require them to break their routine and that would take them outside of their comfort zone. As a general rule, we don't like to stretch too much. We like to live on Easy Street.

Most people I know hate to plan their day because they do not like subjecting themselves to any more scheduling. Endless "to do" lists and calendaring of events seem to bog me down too. Life is already scheduled enough with work and family, so many of us allow our free moments to remain unscheduled. As result, countless hours are wasted surfing the web, watching TV or texting others. People who regularly tell me they wish they had more time spend an awful lot of time on Facebook searching for long lost friends or on Twitter announcing that they are watching Grey's Anatomy. I know people in their 30's and 40's who spend more time playing Halo or the Wii then just about anything else. It is easy to get caught up in the plethora of information and virtual games available to us. I do not wish to say that we should not use these wonderful tools, I just wish that we would learn to use them more responsibly. I waste at least an hour every day, and that is probably a conservative estimate. Imagine what I could do with that hour. I am sure I need some downtime to relax and unwind, but I know I am not getting the most of that hour now. I know this because the more I engage in these types of activities, the less relief I feel from the pressures of life.  If I want more time, I must look here first. If I figure I work 8 hours and sleep 8 hours then I must consider what I do with those other 8 hours. 

Over the Christmas break I thought a lot about what my perfect normal day would look like. I was not thinking about a day when I could do anything I wanted. I was thinking about the normal day when I must fulfill my work responsibilities and all the other responsibilities that are mine to bear. How would I live that perfect day? How would I fill the moments that are not reserved for my work and my family? I just asked myself, who do I want to be in the moments that belong to me? How do I want to spend my time on the perfect day when everything goes according to my plan. I realize that every day will be different so I did not put a schedule to it, I just considered and selected the activities that I would do on the perfect day. I aligned those activities with my life aspirations. Now that I know what my perfect day looks like, I spend time each day organizing it around the things that I want to do. I am amazed at the focus and the resolve that comes from this type of planning. I made a template for my perfect day and now I can organize my day according to that template. I don't think about "to do" lists, I think about the commitments I am willing to make today that will help me live my perfect day. I selected a start time and an end time to the perfect day. I am amazed at how many hours are in between and how well I can use them. Planning my day this way is still new to me so it is fresh. I think though that it will stay fresh because it is aligned with who I really want to become. I feel more productive and engaged in each day that I plan this way. I don't feel scheduled, I feel aligned and balanced.

What would your perfect normal day look like? You can't change the fact that you need your job and I am sure your day would be a lot more stressful if you found yourself suddenly unemployed. Be grateful for your work and now decide how you will use the other hours of the day. What will you do? Who will you become? I am sure if you consider and align your day in this way you will discover there is a lot more time available to you than you previously thought. Give it a try.

Life is good!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3549

athorn@telioscorp.com

Surf's Up

It is the New Year - I am ready to go back to work. I always enjoy the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. It is my favorite week because it is a week when everybody is relaxing a bit and there is no pressure to do anything. We all understand that it is time for a break.

I did absolutely nothing directly related to work for the past two weeks. I was tempted to go to the office all last week, but then I decided to stay home with my family and leave the office alone for a while. I spent a good portion of the week clarifying my aspirations for 2009. I was going to declare my commitments for the year here in my blog, but then I changed my mind. I decided not to do it because they are my goals and not meant to be a standard for anybody but me. They are just the things that I happen to be working on. They are uniquely designed for me, just like your goals are uniquely designed for you.  I want to avoid the temptation to compare goals or judge each other by the commitments each is willing to make. I will make sure my key stakeholders know what I am doing so that they can help me, but I find it unnecessary to declare them here in this space. If you are interested, feel free to send me a note and I will share them with you.

We hear so much about the importance of life balance. It is not an impossible dream, but it takes a lot of planning to actually develop an approach to accomplishing it. By balance, I do not mean that each part of my life receives equal time. What I mean is that each part of my life is equally clear and I understand who I need to be and what I need to do in order to lead a fulfilling life. There is no way that the quantity of time will be the same in each pursuit. Sometimes one area of life requires more time than others. I know I will be at work more than I will be at home this year, so I must build more quality into the time I have at home.

When I am identifying my aspirations for the year, I clarify what I want in four critical areas. While I believe these four areas are basically the same for all of us, you may find other areas that are more important to you. That is OK. I am giving you my areas as an example. They work for me. My areas of focus are as follows:

1. My Relationships With Others
2. My Physical and Emotional Health 
3. My Spiritual Health 
4. My Career and Individual Talent Pursuits   

I make sure I clarify who I want to be in these four areas so that I am working on the things that matter most to me. I also make sure that I am having fun along the way so it is not all serious work for me. For example, one of my physical aspirations this year is to learn how to surf. I have lived in California for most of my life. Even though the ocean is fairly close to me, I do not know how to surf. I had a lesson when I was in Hawaii this past year and I really enjoyed it. This year I am going to learn how to surf and I will take my boys with me. We will learn together and we will enjoy the rhythm of the ocean. I am looking forward to getting started. 

I have a very refined and detailed list of my aspirations, and the commitments I am willing to make to accomplish them in each category I mentioned above. My actions during the year are guided by these aspirations. I began developing my thoughts on the year in mid November and now I am ready to go to work. It is a very fluid process. By this I mean that I may begin to pursue a goal like learning how to surf and discover that it takes more time than I am able to give. When I discover that a goal does not fit my current situation then I refine my goals. I don't ever get caught in the trap of thinking I have to do something just because I once thought I wanted to do it. Life changes all the time. It is important to be able to roll with the changes that present themselves. 

I am excited to get to work. I have already started in some areas and now it is time to go to work in others. We get what we focus on. If we don't focus on anything we will get that too. The New Year reminds me that it is time to go to work again. It provides perspective that life is a circle and not a linear process. I am very thankful for that. 

Happy New Year!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

athorn@telioscorp.com

Charity Never Faileth

There is a behavior that I wish to develop more than any other behavior. It is the ability to purely love those around me. I feel like this behavior is one of the most rarest of behaviors. It is very rarely seen in the business world. Many are actually afraid that if they love others, they will be seen as soft and incapable of leading in an organization. 

I have a different opinion. I believe that pure love has the power to heal and transform every situation we encounter. Love brings deep meaning to our lives. Those whom I know that possess this type of pure love understand how to generate it and nurture it in others.

I am naturally a very hard and difficult person. It is hard for me in some situations to demonstrate my love for others. Especially to those closest to me. On my run this morning my friend Rex told me that I say "no" better than anyone he knows. He said that when I say it, there is no arguing. I may have meant it as a compliment, but I saw a deeper message. I understand that one of the most important aspects of the "pure love" that I am seeking is to develop the capacity to to bring joy and happiness to others. This is hard for me to do because I am so good at saying "no". I know that in order for me to develop this capacity I must practice looking and listening deeply so that I know what to do and what not to do in order to help others be happy. When I offer those I love something that they do not need, then I am not offering them something in the spirit of love. I must see the real situation or I will be in danger of offering something that will only bring unhappiness.

I am very fond of the 13th Chapter of 1 Corinthians in the New Testament. It is one of the greatest teachings on love that I have ever encountered. This particular chapter uses the word "charity" to define a pure form of love. Many times the word "love" is substituted for "charity" because the word charity is difficult for many of us to understand. Charity is commonly defined as giving our money to a worthy cause but it is much deeper than that because we are reminded that we can give away everything we have and still not have charity.  

The deeper meaning is that I need to give away my own self interest. If my love has attachment, discrimination, prejudice or clinging in it, then it is not "true love". This is where I personally need to grow the most. I think I do Ok professionally. It is easy for me to subordinate my own agenda and facilitate the aspirations of my clients.  On a personal level, I am too easily provoked when things don't go my way. This is where I create my biggest pains and disappointments. I can see that I am doing it, but I haven't quite figured out how to do it. As a father of seven children I have lots of opportunities to practice. I think I fail more than I succeed. 

I find it interesting though that while I am tormented by my inability to perfectly love those closest to me, I am filled with hope that I will one day figure it out. I am willing to endure the pains I cause myself and others when I behave outside of the standard I have set, because I know that these experiences are the active lessons I need to discover how to purely love others. I see the development of this type of love as the ultimate challenge. I don't know how I will do it, but I am confident that if I keep my focus on it I will somehow do it. I can say that I have made progress and I think Stacy would agree with me. She knows me better than anybody else and she has seen my struggle to develop this type of pure love. 

As I reflect on this, I become even more aware of my faults. As those faults come into view, I see the way out. It is like shining a light on a dark path. I can see the dangers and how to get around them. I am not afraid to show you this side of me because I am certain that if you know me, you probably already see it. I know that every thing else I do, every success I have, will be meaningless if I do not learn how to develop this kind of love. This is the goal.

As I write this morning I can feel a new ability forming inside of me. I can see that as I practice loving others I can heal the illness of anger, sorrow, insecurity, sadness, hatred, loneliness and unhealthy attachments in myself. Then I will be capable of loving others because I love myself first. 

There are many more things that I would like to write, but they are not surfacing for me this morning. I am filled with the desire to love others. I know that I must love myself first. I know that love is the key to our happiness. I am sure I will write more about this later as I continue to ponder deeply on this topic. I feel a deep sense of gratitude for you the reader. You are giving me a great gift by reading these thoughts. The fact that I know you are reading, inspires me to dig deeper. I love you for the time and attention you are giving me. Thank you.

Life is good!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

athorn@telioscorp.com